The ____est day of my life, to this point.

This day has been... ____. If there's an adjective that exists, it applies to today.
The day in brief:

1. My cat kept me awake most of the night.
2. A train had me running behind schedule but not late.
3. I won a very major academic competition today, and I got second in another category.
4. I bought a book cheaply, Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. It's amazing.
5. I learned that an online friend of mine technically does not exist.
6. My clarinet rehearsal went most smoothly and delightfully.
7. I almost blew a gasket earlier, when losing my temper even a little bit is extremely unusual for me.
8. I'm having a hard time contacting someone with whom I REALLY need to talk RIGHT NOW.
9. My uncle has been diagnosed with lung cancer.
10. I'm still sick, but less than previously.
11. There was sun today, but it was cold.
12. Today the fourth black cat in three days ran across the road in front of me.
13. There's a full moon out tonight.
14. I did not receive the extremely-badly-needed scholarship. Y'know the interview I mentioned? Yeah. That scholarship. I just got the letter of consolation tonight. It came with a t-shirt bearing the school logo. Peeeeachy. I am REALLY not wanting to take out student loans, since they suck and are totally unreasonable.
15. There is always hope. And that other potential scholarship. And those other potential scholarships for which I still need to apply. There's always the chance that one of the recipients will turn this one down and go to another school, allowing me the chance at it again.
16. Tomorrow is still Friday. Thank God in Heaven, tomorrow is Friday.

Well, how would you feel, in my position?


Here is my conclusion:

Today didn't happen. As far as I'm concerned, this changes nothing. This does not change how I will behave tomorrow nor the day after.


I've always known, after all, that when it comes to the things that I NEED, that I genuinely NEED to keep me going in this life, I can't depend on anyone but myself and my God. Why should that change for something like a scholarship interview? I'd be incredibly stupid to think that my problems are going to be solved so very easily, especially by someone ELSE.


To those who read this:
If you know me IRL, you may find yourself feeling very smug, perhaps even ironically entertained, by my current circumstances. The brain finally finds something that is difficult for her, neh?

Listen up. There is nothing that I have right now, NOTHING for which I did not work to the very limits of my abilities. What I have, I HAVE EARNED. Just because I'm good at something doesn't mean that I don't put real and earnest effort into it. In fact, odds are good that I do a Hellova lot more work than you do, since anyone having such smug feelings is obviously not at the top of the IQ totem pole, and has probably slept through a few classes.

So if you wanna' poke fun? Please first take a minute to think about what an incredible idiot you are, and if that doesn't stop you, then please go screw yourself. Courteously save me the trouble of beating your ego to a bloody pulp. :)


Scheisse. I'm getting bitter. I'd better stop that right now, if I want to sleep at all to-night.
Okey. Focus.
Chill-pill, kiddo'. Don't rip off any heads. Tomorrow is its own day. Things can always get worse, but they can sure as Hell always get better, too.